The Meanest of All

I feel the cement scraping my knees.
I feel life's hands around my neck.
Help! I'm drowning in my own blood!
I know it's mine because I never touched them.
As I was falling, my heart broke into pieces,
Cutting me where I was already weak in the first place.
People who I could not love.
Recorded in life's pages so that I will never forget.
The world can be so cold, people so cruel,
But the meanest of all is death.

Kinder

Something different?
Something not about me?
Something to fit in my bag,
To take with me all the time.
Hasn't changed much,
In all these years ,but somehow
The air is different,
The lighting brighter at night,
Your words seem less secure,
But kinder.
I wanted you to know that I see a change,
And it was brought about by you.
- Hold on.  You lead a path for others to follow.

Under Fear's Protection

"Open my mind,
my heart,
and let go of Me." He said.

When I only felt the presence of hate ,
when I was out of his protection.
Should have known better,
that it only changed things than.
Now the fear returns.
Was it ever gone?
No ,he only numbed the pain.
Now I'm left without an open mind and heart.
I fear that everyone ,
including you. That you are in want,
of my destruction.
I can't walk into a room without wondering,
if you will notice and if you are speaking against me.
My open heart and mind are now under my protection.
I will let him be.

Trust into Freedom- The Worth of Souls is Great in the Sight of God.

Love, desire,beauty, passion, depth-
That's my focus.  These are the words I
speak from my soul.


  Those are my gifts to
share.
 The men I like don't trust
themselves,
 and the women scorn. Even my mom and
sisters speak behind my back.
 I can only trust a few.
 "How can she have it
all?"
 "Not if I can help it!
I'll withhold a friend."
 Threatened and scared?
I have to be the
 most beautiful women in the world.
The compulsion
 has brought such loneliness,
but I keep on working, dreaming, writing
 these poems.
That only I can totally understand.
 I promise if
you'll have faith and  patience in me I will
be true.
 I do not give
in (maybe I should say give up).
  I refuse to
be weak
 because
to have trust brings freedom.
 Will you
trust me?
 I'll trust you
if you earn it,
and we will be free

Tastes Like You- Shayla Smith

Today, I ate my third apple and it tasted of you.
It's the same thing everyday
and you are a part of the routine.
I wish that it didn't seem so generic ,almost- plastic, artificial, or processed.
I keep myself out of bed long enough to say I'm alive.
It's not like I never go out , but you are always standing there
in the back of my mind.  You challenge me.
 I wish that I could rebel,  and I do ,but I always come back to you.
I don't even know who you are, what you look like ,how you feel.
All I know is how it feels in my mind, when I am going about my day
coming across a joke and wanting someone to laugh with me about it.
Today I seem to be living the same day, that has gone on for years until I find
the Man I can laugh with about...................people!

"Letter to God" (Live)

This Girl has been through it all,  broken down into nothing ,she finally finds the words to come to God.  I wonder if Kurt was any help in bringing her to make this song?  I hope she is given mercy.  We all need it.

Mother In Me

My Child,
where are you now?
I love you.
You need my touch.
For touch is something you get little of.
A storm of feeling,
yet all you can do is cry.
So I hold you now in my heart.
I love you dearly.
I rock you to sleep.
Good night and pleasant dreams.
I will be here
 in reality.

Beautiful and Strange

Where can I look?
Where can I go?
I look down at the earth
as if bowing myself
to the presence of self.
Giving up the challenge
to prove myself worthy
as if saying
you are better than me
take my life.
I feel that I have given my life to so many,
but yet I continue to be refused of them.
Taking it.
Yearning for love,
but fearful of it,
that nothing comes into my heart.
Missing the knowledge and handle of life.
Would someone please tell me what to do!?

A Worm Like You

The fruits of life now lie on the floor,
Fragrant and ripe.
Are they some insects new home?
Never thought that it would end this way.
We had such a good run.
You ignored the "messes",
I ignored that girl,
But what I ignored came back to me
When she called on your cell phone.
The fruits of life now rotten
And my "messes" drove you away.
Even a worm like you prefers fresh fruit,
But me sadly ,wanted you.

Just Day Dreaming

When he first noticed her, her demeanor showed that she was just day dreaming.  About what, he wondered?  Priceless, meek, quiet ,and innocent as a lamb.  He later learned of her attitude - religious, spiritual, and about what else-  food.  He talked to her and fell in love with the woman who wants to be a wife and mother.  He looked at her and thought that she was pretty.  He ran home and told his family ,"I could marry this girl.  I'm going to do it before anyone else does."