Pandora's Box

We are given choices in life.
Mine have come in packages with no string.
 Found Pandora's Box when I opened this up.
Along with the Monsters there's one thing.
Hope that I can get over my immaturity's.
Successful- in my own estimation.
The Monsters have made me weep,
but rising above has come easy for me.
Because I saw hope as something in me.

Unavailable

I know what  to do.
Stop talking to you.
Stop making an effort.
Stop wasting my time.
Emotionally unavailable
and always will be.
Protected yourself,
and apparently me.
Because I could not love another
 when I would listen to you,
see you ,forgive you, wishing
that he was you.
So now I see you and ask,
"Was my time wasted?"
I never knew any better,
so that is a clue.

Death March

You fell asleep while you were walking ,or was it the other way around?  Anyway, I can see why you are tired.  Going all that way!  You should have taken the bus, but all you had was a dime, so you walked home in your heals and those tacky, wacky clothes.  "I'm the Whore of the Earth.  This is my death march", you said. "Do you want a cigarette?"  "No way!  Maybe when I'm dead!"

Yearning

Love enters in

in matters of the heart

In my quite sort of way

 I have began to love you.

I see you across the room and

yearn for your tenderness.

Calm are your eyes,

Smooth your skin looks,

but you are speaking to another.

Could I ever feel

 that more than a fantasy

 could fill this broken heart?

His Car

She left his car door opened in the rain.
Tears fell.
Soaked the seat and hit the dashboard.
He never looked at her in the same way.
"My Car, my life.", could be his motto.
"She doesn't care about my car."
"How could she care about me?"

This Song

Carefree of my worries of the day as I fade into the music.  Like the wind and sky I will be this day.  My spirit dances, set free as I glide to the sound of validation and promise.

Something Simple

Been addicted,
 apples, sodas, sugar, salt, bananas,gum.
Weird I am .  I admit.
Not ashamed.  Little does.
Been sharing for years.
At first I would cry.
Now I don't really care.
Soon bored.  This is my entertainment
until the next addiction.
Something simple taken to the extreme.
I am a slave.
 I just move on to the next addiction.

Running in Cycles

Why move backward,
When the world is moving forward?
But how do I know how?
It seems to hop addiction to addiction,
All legal,
Some not as deadly,
But they all feel the same.
I take it to extreme levels.
Am I moving forward,
Or just running in cycles,
With different shoes on every time?

Dearest Angel

Dearest Angel,
why did you come to my room last night?
Something was holding you back.
Something was closing itself around you.
A sense of urgency ,but you could not be heard.
Yelling, but were your screams good or bad.
You were helpless to be heard and I could not comfort you.
Yet, you have comforted me by being a friend in need.
Go safely home now.
God has granted us peace.
Maybe the Spirit of God will bring me words that you speak
in those quite moments when I don't know
what else to do.

My Name

He saw dark hair, dark eyes, light skin, so prim.
Wearing black with a string of pearls.
Wanta get to know her.
Wanta know her name.
"Hi ,how are you?"
"Are you going to school right now or working?'
Needs to know, but he does't really care.
That's why he loves your face, but can't remember your name.
Don't be affended he loves you even now.
That's why he lets things go.
"Hi, how are you?"
He may not remember your name, but he wants you to remember his just the same.

My Captors

Forgive me my captors.
My mind has only created.
I see now my sin.
That I deserved my punishments,
my knowledge,
my blessings.
People don't always see me,
but they know that I've cried.
They can see the pain in my
make-up, dress, and skin.
I've tried to give that up so many times.
Something that's become a part of me.
I wonder, "Why should I try?"

Some Lyrics of "Me and The Moon"- Something Corporate

"It's me and the moon" ,she says
I got no trouble with that, but I am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die"
It's me and the moon ",she says

But what do you say we go for a ride?
What do you say we get high?
But I'm so tired of days that feel like the night

"It's me and the moon",she says
And I got no trouble with that, but I am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die

Mercy

I had a dream about the powers of music.  I had a dream of Christ.  I had a dream about everyone in my life.  I've been so lucky that I've had this mercy.  When I felt like such a terrible one.  My mercy changed into a knowledge.  Created fresh skin, healthy and soft, tender and clean. My dreams of Christ ,friends, and music were ever so perfect for me.  My fear no longer eats at  me, but I can not say that I'm perfect and I can not begin to try.  Christ you are my mercy and knowledge and I have seen thy face.  I can not deny it ,not even when I die.
 

I'll Grab Some M&M's

Rapped in a cottonball,
Rubbed in ones hand,
The grating feeling,
That it brings,
Feeling like I had the flu,
When I was five,
My pain comes to visit,
Whenever I'm alone,
At night,
When it hurts to call a friend,
 Don't want to bring them down,
 Don't want to eat that saled,
Give me some,
Gummy Bears instead,
The dressing has as many,
Calories as that bag of M&M'S,
So I'll sit with this feeling,
 And eat my M&M'S,
Fall asleep, wakeup and,
Eat an apple ,
And later grab,
Some M&M'S.

Gambling (I just thought this one was funny.)

Gambling my dreams away.
What if?
No.  I don't.
The end.

I Promise

There is a place,
A love can go,
Where emotion is safe,
And words hold,
Only truths,
Where kisses mean,
 I care,
And more can mean,
I love you,
Where anything is,
Possible with,
Encouraging words,
And a brilliant smile,
 This place I give to you,
With open arms,
I promise to,
Hold and cherish you,
Safely here,
In these truths.

Happy Valentines Day!

You Pretended Not to Care

You did the right thing,
You pretended not to care,
Easier to brush off,
To claim to be a jerk,
Not worth my time,
Now I can sit within myself,
And feel that you never cared,
That I never crossed your mind,
That you never looked my way,
That you never pictured me in your arms,
Holding you gently at night,
No, this never happened,
Thank you,
You were never there

Scared

I do not see their glares,
But I can feel them,
Almost numb I have become,
But a part of of me is scared,
Dear love help me through,
For I am weak and wobbly,
I know that I can lean on you,
Be my support in these times,
Of a broken heart,
And a contrite spirit.

Living With The Rain

I listen to the rain,
When the night is clear,
And there are no clouds,
 Covering the moon,
I seem to seek out the sound,
The music, writing, and attitude,
What will become of me,
If I continue,
I'm really not unhappy,
I just need to feel the cold,
Hear what the earth has to say,
When it is crying,
Darkness in my image,
But smiles on my face,
I guess you can be happy ,
Living with the rain.

If You Were Human- The Face of Rape

Ugly face,
Black tongue,
Crooked teeth,
Scorched skin,
Nothing there,
To give in return,
Except for,
A ripped and,
Shattered heart.

Inside of Me

I've sat inside myself for years, but don't look down on me I did it for necessity.  When fear, pain, and distain plagued my mind I could only focus on the feelings- the words that beeted within my heart, coursing through my vains and making me alive.  I didn't want to change, but the pain was too great to stay the same.  I have risen from the ashes, speaking a new tongue, one that can hold someone's hand and laugh at insecurities.  Tender now, the wound that was eating me up inside has melted and changed my winter like snow in the Spring.

His Eyes- What seems like a long time is only a moment and what seems like a moment can create eternities.

Standing in line.

I wanted to go first.

I wanted to brush off the world. 

Waking up to a world of feeling, 

Looking at these pictures of Christ.  

I can see his expressions.

He's crying. 

Wanting  me again, 

But his eyes tell a different story,

Saying,"Stay a little longer, 

And you will be first. 

This too shall pass."  

My Chains

I will wear your coat in the snow,
as I run to the finish line.
It takes so long,
too long.
I had to rest.
You have unlocked my chains.
Now I can win.
Without being aware,
 I won the race.
I beat them all.
Even with my chains for a time,
I beat them all.
Thank you.

The Steps

  As a dancer moves across the room
I wonder if I will ever learn the steps.
  My longings seem to take me away
and leave me as a wonded animal.
 Feeling naked and alone,
I wonder what my future holds.

With Me

I will walk a little farther,
leap another step,
because I know,
that you are with me.
I will cry for you,
and weep at your feet.
If my hair were longer,
I would wipe them clean,
because you walked with me,
and carried my pain,
so that I could go a little farther,
than I could without you.