Bipolar- Here's to Freedom!

Say what you wish.
Haven't been a lier,
To have the world without paying a cent.
Have worked for every penny,
With Misery and Strife.
Brought smiles to the faces,
Who I'd share a little slice
Of my Heaven and a little bit of my Hell.
Scares them all when I say the whole darn truth.
Never going to fluff things up,
Never to make them seem what they aren't,
To be a pain if they were pure Heaven.
Trust in me my Friend,
I know something about Beauty
And I know something about Pain.
I surely have a combination.
Bipolar my whole life?!  psssssshhh....................
Freedom shall reign!

Know- A Priceless Message of Understanding Pain.

•  · 10 minutes ago
• 
  

  Shayla Smith

  No, I have never been raped by another person, but I have felt the pain many times. I actually used to have countless experiences of hallucinations that I could feel, but not see, something or someone that  was raping me many times a day when it was at it's worst. This went on about everyday and slowly tapered off ,but it took a very long time, like years for it to stop. I'm sure if it were an actual person who raped me it would be scarier, but being a sex victim to your own mind and some of it I think was coming from evil spirits was pretty scary too. 

  This is a Sentimental Tragedy. - Was it really rape? My mind created it , so doesn't it mean that I wanted it? No, God does not allow people to have cancer because it is what their mind wants them to have. I tried to stop the pain in many ways. I tried to kill myself a few times. God wanted me to live for him, not die for him at that time. So, that is why I share my feelings and story because I understand pain..... and healing. We all need people and I'm grateful to those who showed their kindness. They helped more than they might have known they could have ever done for someone in that situation at that time. This started happening 9 years ago.

   · 

They Can See

Do you hear me with the music at night?  I don't think that I would really notice.  Why would you?  I block out one and take the other.  Why can't I intertwine the two? To enjoy myself as a part of the music.  For some reason it hurts to stand out.  I seem to bruise in all the wrong places.  Places where they can see.

I Walked To The Gym Helpless in The Snow

I weighed the same when.........
When I walked,
Helpless in the snow,
And little seemed to care,
I had to get out.
I ran away
Forever.
It seemed never the same.
We ate, and ate ,but
" poisoned" ourselves after.
I Gymed it ,that too.
A 8 hr work day.
1-2 hr. workouts.
I made up every minute,
 And dined
After I got home spending
More then my wages.
Image was my everything.
How I hated my first year away.
18-19yrs. old in a Town of
Brittany Spears Wanna Be's
Helpless in the snow.

Skinny Modeling

Stretched
To the point
of no return
my arms
above
me
as i worship
you,
this world
never felt,
except when it quakes.
Once again
it's orbit will
find it's place.
The truth,
Not sure
I just know
I cannot serve you.

Danny and Me!

LOVE FOREVER!

Watch Out!

                                                                 Me, faking pregnancy. Lol!

The Girl of Many Faces! :)

Into Christ's Arms

I remember a time when I was addicted to diet pills, was having a hard time with money, working as hard as I could, and falling in love for the first time and the other person was really sick. I got out of that situation hurt and heartbroken. I was never the same again. Until Christ started working in my life. Many of my loving, "Shayla" qualities have finally returned and I am actually improving.  Christ forgives us, but do we understand him!? Do we look at him to see his expression of love? Have we been reaching out, breaking out of the quiet shame and hiding? I hadn't totally given sufficient sacrifice ,but I am learning to understand the Gospel through love of the Spirit and it's healing power. This time in my life with the diet pills, that was so hard for me, could only be speaking of one thing that I received from prayer when I asked God about it later, "That is when you touched Hell." In other words," Yea, I hit Rock Bottom." You never know how hard someone is working and if they have an addiction against the Word of Wisdom or Spirit ,the spirit can be taken from them and they are not as protected as they were which makes it even worse. I believe that the other things fell apart because of the diet pills. Diet Pills were my vice and I had to basically go through Hell to get out.  But you know what? Whatever you have to go through if you are righteous and Christian ,there is a plan for you that can lead you into Christ's arms on the other side as you us the atonement.